1 minute Wait, she just said it a minute ago. It started with an… S? No, that’s Shakira. I’m thinking of Shakira. 10 minutes Uh oh, we’ve been talking too long for me to ask her name. But it’s surprising…
Dear Admitted Student, Congratulations! You are coming to Princeton. It has been pre-ordained. Not by the stars (we control those) but by our media stranglehold. You’ll spend a few weeks pretending to juggle your “options”, but everything has already been…
Dear 18-Year-Old Self, You bubble with independence and are surrounded by a campus of like-minded individuals in a sea of Milwaukee’s Best. College has made you a solemn promise since day one of freshman year, that every Thirsty Thursday, Fucked-up…