Dear Ms. Padecki, I regret to inform you that I will not be moving forward with your application for the role of “girlfriend”. While your qualifications were certainly impressive and your experience more than sufficient, your performance on last Thursday’s…
Jeremy Miller: Nobody doubts Jeremy is a fantastic guy. He’s like a taller Zac Efron without the evil glint in his eye. Even better, he’s definitely into you. You’ve seen the way he tripped over himself trying to talk to you in…
A Message from the Chairman Or is it Chairwoman? That’s right. While the boys were out cradling their fragile masculinity and enjoying the ordinary language of day-to-day existence that always includes their sex, I was busy plotting my takeover. I…
Zach McCarthy, a recently admitted member of the Class of 2020, revealed his decision Wednesday to abstain from sexual intercourse until the fall when he can fully take advantage of the university’s hookup scene. “Call me old-fashioned, but I think…