Category Princeton

Articles related to life at Princeton, the Ivy League, and other college matters.

Archives, Princeton

Princeton Looks into More Efficient Heating Solution than Elves with Hammers

In response to accusations of wasteful energy use in regard to its dormitory heating systems, administrators at Princeton have begun exploring alternatives to the current system of elves striking the inner walls of the radiators with hammers.

Matt Gwin
January 7, 2011

Archives, Princeton

Breaking News: Construction at Tiger Inn Leads to Discovery of Beer Field Brewing Beneath the Street

During "State Night," large quantities of beer were incorporated into the surface soil. Over the course of time, sedimentation buried the mixture, which was compressed by the heavy foot-traffic of male Brodontesauruses wandering aimlessly around TI hoping to get laid.

Stephen von Stolzenberg
January 6, 2011

Archives, Fiction/Poetry, Princeton

A Christmas Carrel

"Spirit,'' said Malkiel, with an interest she had never felt before, "tell me if Tiny Tim will get into grad school." "If the shadows of the Future remain unchanged, no."

Steven Liss
December 25, 2010

Archives, Princeton

Arch Sing Accidentally Scheduled in Holland Tunnel

A travesty occurred late Thursday night when a Nassoons performance in New York City was accidently scheduled in the Holland Tunnel. The error seems to have occurred when a request to have the Nasoons perform in the in “the largest…

Joe Barrett
December 22, 2010

Archives, Princeton

Top Ten Ways to Take Advantage of President Tilghman’s Office Hours

10. Stage a live stage adaptation of “Where the Wild Things Are” on Shirls’s desk. 9. Glitter-glue flowers on any and all important documents you can get your hands on. 8. Inquire as to how many boxes of Thin Mints…

Nicholas Elan
December 16, 2010