A Letter to Eisgruber
On Monday, July 1st, 2013, Christopher L. Eisgruber became the 20th President of Princeton University. The following is a real e-mail sent by our Chairman to the incoming president on this momentous occasion.
Category Letters
A Draft of the Class of 2017 Admissions Letter
Dear Admitted Student, Congratulations! You are coming to Princeton. It has been pre-ordained. Not by the stars (we control those) but by our media stranglehold. You’ll spend a few weeks pretending to juggle your “options”, but everything has already been…
A Letter To My 18-Year-Old Self
Dear 18-Year-Old Self, You bubble with independence and are surrounded by a campus of like-minded individuals in a sea of Milwaukee’s Best. College has made you a solemn promise since day one of freshman year, that every Thirsty Thursday, Fucked-up…
A Letter to the Rando Who Just Friend Requested Me
Dear Stephanie King, Thank you for your friend request! You seem like a very nice girl. But, maybe that’s just my eternal optimism. Some might say you seem rather sketchy, friending me despite our having no mutual friends and no…