Category Archives
Pinball Wizard Outed as Fraud
In a revelation that has rocked the world of competitive pinball, international champion Derek Dolohov, commonly known as the “Pinball Wizard,” has been outed as a fraud. Dolohov gained fame unsurpassed in his sport partly due to his inspiring accomplishments…
How to Pretend You Care About Genocide
We know, you lead a busy life. Your time is valuable. It’s hard to be you. But lately, your lack of a soul, or even basic empathy for the suffering of other human beings, has been getting in the way…
Swine Flu Threatens Bestiality Rights
Members of the administration as well as the health industry are cautioning the public against engaging in contact with pigs due to swine flu. Many Americans, however, are disturbed by where this might be going. Cletus Tatum, director of the…
U-Store Announces Expansion
In the face of the current economic crisis, the Princeton University Store has recently announced a diversification of products sold at its stores on Nassau Street and University Place. “Because of declining sales due to our ridiculously high prices,” U-Store…