Elysium, SPIRIT WORLD—Professional personal deity God has checked Himself into a rehabilitation centre in the Elysian Fields, citing gaming problems and schizophrenia. The aleph-null-year-old Creator, also known as Yahweh, first acknowledged His incessant habit of playing dice last century. All-powerful…
In a shocking revelation, yesterday afternoon Milk finally decided to go public about her true feelings towards Oreo. [1] It turns out that Milk and Oreos don’t mix as well as previously thought. “Oreo isn’t even close to my favorite cookie,”…
Here’s a chocolate cake so rich you’ll think it’s John D Rockefeller! It’s so dark you’ll think owning it is illegal (post 1863)! Ingredients: 2 cups sugar 1 cup all-purpose flour 2 teaspoons vanilla extract 1 teaspoon of salt 18…
Columbus, OH — The five Ohio State players caught trading their own personal possessions for tattoos have been sentenced to the death penalty. The affected players include 2010 leading rusher Dan Herron, number one receiver DeVier Posey, All-Big Ten offensive…
Aries It’s not easy being green, but after your organic chemistry precept this week you might just have to get used to it. Taurus When you find yourself in a situation so insane that not even the stars could have…