Matt Gwin

Joined: October 5, 2010
Articles: 33

Archives, Sports

Ohio State Tattoo-Gate Violators Sentenced to Death

Columbus, OH — The five Ohio State players caught trading their own personal possessions for tattoos have been sentenced to the death penalty. The affected players include 2010 leading rusher Dan Herron, number one receiver DeVier Posey, All-Big Ten offensive…

Matt Gwin
September 14, 2011

Archives, Princeton

Princeton Looks into More Efficient Heating Solution than Elves with Hammers

In response to accusations of wasteful energy use in regard to its dormitory heating systems, administrators at Princeton have begun exploring alternatives to the current system of elves striking the inner walls of the radiators with hammers.

Matt Gwin
January 7, 2011

Archives, Sci/Tech

In Stunning Reversal, IAU Rules That Pluto is in Fact the Only Planet

The International Astronomical Union (IAU) in Prague, amending their 2006 definition, voted Tuesday to again redefine “planet,” now making Pluto the only planet in the solar system, just four years after it was banished in favor of an 8-planet solar system.

Matt Gwin
October 17, 2010