Total Loser Calls Home Regularly
After just two weeks of college, sources confirm that total pansy Ryan Colter ’18 has already called his family twice to keep in touch and assure them that he is adapting reasonably well to college life.
Jeremy Cohen
A Guide to the Street: Hulfish Street
Hey freshmen! Now that you’re at Princeton, it’s time that you learned the lay of the land. You’re going to be hearing about partying on “the Street” and how important it is to the social scene on campus. But, trust…
Cloud Gazing
— CJS ’16
Student Hopes Bridge Year Will Turn Him Into Hookup Machine
Arnold Severus, a moneyed and self-assured male student, has made the decision to apply to Princeton University’s Bridge Year Program, citing hopes that the exotic opportunity will turn him into a “total hookup machine” come fall. “I realize I’m an…
Roommate Contract (Amended)
Roommate Contract (Additions in Green) Names: Donald Marad, Neil Stewart By signing this roommate contract, we hereby agree to: Sleep by 2 AM on weeknights. Sitting in bed and cackling to Dane Cook does not count as sleep. Maintain a safe environment in…