1. Conscription for the robot war has begun early. Princeton is torn to shreds. Dorms are set aflame and the sky has turned a darkness blacker than the depths of Overlord Eisgruber’s eyes. Wilson College still looks the same. I have…
As you sit in the chapel for Opening Exercises, Princeton feels like it will last forever. But time flies when you’re drunk this frequently, and your time at Princeton will seem like it’s over faster than a sixth grade relationship.…
As you begin your first semester here at Princeton, you’ll be introduced to a type of class known as the “precept.” You’re probably wondering what exactly a “precept” is. Well, it’s actually very similar to a discussion section. Now you’re…
Princeton students initially greeted the news of a potential end to a decade of grade-deflation policies with celebration, but recently the campus has been downcast, thrown into depression by the creeping realization that, in the absence of grade deflation, students…
I Wish You Could Be More Like Your Brother It Doesn’t Need Stitches Turkmenistan You’re Not Responsible Enough for a Dog, Bart Bake for 14-16 Minutes or Until Golden Brown eisgruber@princeton.edu Please Stop, You’re Hurting Me Parent-Teacher Conference Kale You’re…