Former Writers Who Wish To Remain Anonymous

Joined: February 21, 2017
Articles: 100

News, Princeton

President Eisgruber Steps Down, Cites Three-Year Affair with David Petraeus

In a move that has shaken the Princeton community to its very core, President Christopher L. Eisgruber resigned from his position Monday morning, revealing a “passionate, tragic” affair between himself and former U.S. Army General David Petraeus.

Former Writers Who Wish To Remain Anonymous
October 7, 2013

Princeton

If Other Authors Had Been Disillusioned by Princeton

It’s well known that F. Scott Fitzgerald was disillusioned by what he saw as the decadence of Princeton life, but he sells the University short. That’s not to say he was wrong—how many towns in America can say a major event is the Banana Republic being replaced by a Brooks Brothers?—but there are so many other reasons to be disillusioned by Princeton that Ol’ Fitzy never even touched on.

Former Writers Who Wish To Remain Anonymous
September 11, 2013

Entertainment, How-To

How to Be Funny

College is one of the few opportunities you’ll ever get to totally reinvent yourself. No one on campus knows your high school nickname was “Prince Shartsalot” or that you ‘accidentally’ made out with Becky Sturveson at your sophomore year homecoming.…

Former Writers Who Wish To Remain Anonymous
September 11, 2013

Advice, Letters, Life, Princeton

A Letter to Eisgruber: Eisgruber’s Response

Yesterday, our Chairman sent this e-mail to President Eisgruber. Much to our surprise, he soon replied. ——————————————– Dear Timothy, Thank you for these extremely delinquent congratulations. As you might imagine, Tiger Magazine’s felicitations had been conspicuous by their absence, and…

Former Writers Who Wish To Remain Anonymous
July 2, 2013

Letters, Princeton

A Letter to Eisgruber

On Monday, July 1st, 2013, Christopher L. Eisgruber became the 20th President of Princeton University. The following is a real e-mail sent by our Chairman to the incoming president on this momentous occasion.