You may have been on campus for two, three, even four years by this point, but that doesn’t mean you don’t still have questions about this place and the secrets it holds. The Princeton Tiger recently acquired a set of sensitive documents that should put some of these questions to bed for good.
Gabriella Garcia Vargas ’17 recently became the first person to read the entirety of a University “Traffic Alert” email, inadvertently discovering a dark hive of unimaginable, soul-shearing insanity in the process.
The faculty committee created by University President Chris Eisgruber to assess the University’s grading policy released its findings well ahead of schedule on Tuesday, recommending that no more than 10 percent of the grades given in any department should be A’s—a reduction from the current figure of 35 percent.
Princeton University President Shirley Tilghman, angered for unexplained reasons, has been using her personal weather machine to wreak havoc on the University campus.
Last Saturday night, Brandon Wilson ’16 took a giant leap into Princeton University lore as he walked east on Prospect Avenue and, rather than take the customary turn at an eating club, courageously continued into the unexplored wilderness beyond Fitzrandolph Road.
