10 Classic Freshman Mistakes to Avoid

  1. Taking on too many extracurriculars. Everyone tries to do a million things first semester and it’s just not possible! Pick a few clubs you really love and stick to them.
  2. Messing up your sleep schedule. Seriously guys, eight hours a night is key. You’re not yourself when you’re tired!
  3. Dismissing the tales of Bartholomew, the lake carnegie dweller. He is real. Horribly, swampily, gorgeously real.
  4. Ignoring the eerie yet oddly romantic screams echoing down the toe paths each night.
  5. Following those screams down to Lake Carnegie. There was mist in the air that night, and a strange electricity that I felt pulsing around me as I drew closer to Bartholomew’s lair.
  6. Where was I? Oh, right.
  7. Another typical mistake is staying with your high school S.O. Believe me, it never works out. Better to just have a clean break before you leave for college!
  8. Using Barth as a rebound when you break up with aforementioned S.O. Barth has commitment issues and he’ll . . . well, he’ll leave you as soon as you start to feel a real emotional connection.
  9. I mean, I honestly thought we had something. Silly, right? Thinking I was the only person in his life. I mean he’s a swamp dweller for god’s sake. Barth can have anyone he wants.
  10. When he used to wave his slimy horns in his traditional mating dance, I could literally feel sparks flying between us. And it wasn’t just because of the flames he burps when he gets aroused. It was our souls burning for each other.
  11. Skipping breakfast. Trust me, the energy boost is worth waking up a few minutes earlier.
  12. It was real for me. I don’t know, it’s just this indescribable pull I feel towards him (or whatever corner of Lake Carnegie he’s feeding in that day). I don’t think I’ve ever experienced anything else like that. I don’t know if I ever will again.
  13. Please. I miss you Barth. Come back. We don’t need to be like those other couples. We just need to be us.

 

– RG-W ’21, Illustrated by Z-XK