Throughout her illustrious history, Barbie has held a wide variety of professions. However, she still has not reached the full scope of her potential, and we at Mattel are excited to announce a few brand new Barbie dolls, in stores soon.
Sewage Worker Barbie
Barbie has broken the glass ceiling time and time again with Executive Barbie, Computer Engineer Barbie, and President Barbie (sorry Hillary, the first woman President was already available for purchase in 2000). But there are many other male-dominated fields that we want to inspire little girls to join, and so we created Sewage Worker Barbie. She’ll be working day in and day out cleaning and maintai
ning the waste removal system of Barbie City, and looking fabulous while she does it. Her hair is made of real hair and the fecal matter covering her clothes and body is made out of real fecal matter, for the ultimate sensory experience. She also comes with the classic sewage worker accessory, a sewer alligator for her to wrestle, kill and skin. If you open up the compartment on its stomach, you’ll find an alligator skin handbag, so Barbie can carry all her tools to keep the sewers in tiptop shape. She’s an everyday hero!
Understudy Barbie
The glitz, glamor and respectability of a stage actor is a big draw for many young girls, and there’s no time like the present to introduce them to some of the steps they’ll have to take to make it on stage. Meet Understudy Barbie, who was just talented enough to get hired but not talented enough to actually get the part. Understudy Barbie comes equipped with a memorized script and big dreams, but will probably never get the chance to achieve them. This Barbie will most likely not see the light of fame or have the adoration of the audience directed at her. She comes with all the makeup she needs for the stage, as well as the harsh reality of the fact that if she is actually seen, then something must have gone wrong. If she’s lucky, maybe a talent scout will happen to be in the audience when she happens to be on stage, or perhaps when the real actor is tired of the role she can step in, only to be unfairly compared to her predecessor. Agent not included.
Drug Mule Barbie
Be careful taking this one with you on planes! Drug mule Barbie is the first in what will hopefully be a long tradition of Barbie dolls with fully functioning digestive tracts. Our top engineers have been working hard to make sure that once Barbie swallows that capsule of heroin (which our lawyers have advised us to clarify is actually just made out of cocaine), it passes through her digestive tract just like an authentic drug mule. We’ve even included recorded voice lines, like faint groaning, “Just one more time, then I can see my family again,” and “I don’t feel so good…” But uh oh! Be careful the capsule doesn’t break in her stomach, or Barbie might get a little tummy ache and die. And if any of those capsules are lost, the accompanying toy Drug Smuggler Ken will not be happy. Relationships, am I right?
-WK ’19, illustrated by KG ’19