When I first heard that Marvel was adding a new female role to its male-dominated superhero lineup, I could not contain my excitement. Finally, I thought, some progress in Hollywood. But when the movie finally came out, I became pretty ambivalent. I mean, I’m glad that Marvel created a new female superhero, but I’m not sure “Super Wonder Penis Sucking Woman” is the right way to go about it.
The premise behind Super Wonder Penis Sucking Woman is simple: Linda is a young woman in disguise as a freelance journalist in New York. When Tony Stark finds out her real identity, he recruits her to join the Avengers. In a meeting with Thor and Captain America, Stark tells them that Linda is so good at sucking penis that the bad guys whose penises she sucks die of pleasure.
This is a cool power and all, but it still bothers me a little that Super Wonder Penis-Sucking Woman has no role beyond being asked to perform oral sex.
In “Super Wonder Penis Sucking Woman: the Last War,” Captain America, Tony Stark and Thor fly around shooting laser beams and throwing lightning hammers. Linda, on the other hand, is vigorously fellating Ultron. Admittedly, the credit for victory goes to Linda: she gets Ultron to die by sucking his penis so well. Still, it feels strange to watch the most powerful woman in the Marvel Universe do nothing but suck bad people’s penises, even if it is to save humanity.
Look, I’m not trying to criticize Marvel. I think it’s wonderful for women to be represented in such a widely celebrated franchise, and I hope we start to see even more women Avengers in the years to come. But I don’t know if a woman whose catchphrase is “oh yes, let me suck more penis please!” is the ideal portrayal.
I’m just hoping that the the next Marvel superhero, who’s supposed to be the first Asian American character in the series, turns out to be a little less socially regressive. But something about the title “Fried Rice Man” makes me reluctant to get on board anytime soon.
-KZ ’20