The tramp stamp is a proud American tradition. For decades, these decorative lower-back patterns have let the world know that those who wear them are ready for a walk on the wild side. Unfortunately, as cool as they look, tramp stamps tend to be pretty costly and the recovery process is lengthy and exhausting. At least, that’s how things used to be. Now, thanks to an ingenious new life hack, you can save time and money on your tramp stamp: instead of getting an actual tattoo, simply tape a Yu-Gi-Oh card to your lower back.
For those of you unfamiliar with the concept, Yu-Gi-Oh is a series of wildly popular late-90s trading cards based on the aesthetics of Japanese manga. No one knows for sure where the idea of using a trading card in lieu of a tattooed stamp originated, but what we do know is that this latest development in personal style is easy, intuitive, and, above all, sexy. In fact, some tattoo lovers actually find the Yu-Gi-Stamp (as they are referred to by those in the know) to be even more sexually appealing than the tramp stamps of old.
“Every woman I’ve ever been involved with has been encouraged (by me) to get a stamp,” tattoo enthusiast Bob Buckley told reporters. “However, my days of begging women to go to the tattoo parlor are over. I’m a Yu-Gi-Stamp man now. It’s hard to explain why exactly, but there’s something about the sight of Exodia the Forbidden One taped to a woman’s lower back that really gets me going. Especially if it’s taped really hastily and shoddily. I like the card to just be kind of hanging there, as if it’s probably going to need another piece of tape soon. At this point, your guess is as good as mine as to what the next step down the rabbit hole of my sexuality is going to be.”
Wow! Strong praise from just one of the millions of stampers who have already forgone the traditional tramp stamp method in favor of this modern alternative. As this trend sweeps the nation, major voices from the tattoo subculture have started to weigh in. Prominent tramp stamp magazines like Stamp Weekly and Lower Back Today recently named the Yu-Gi-Stamp as one of the hottest trends in body decoration. The movement has also garnered acknowledgement from prominent players in other spheres of American life, including music, film, and even politics. Singer Beyonce and actor Gary Busey were seen sporting Yu-Gi-Stamps at a recent social gala, while former president Jimmy Carter noted that the trend “heralds an end to the vice-like grip of the tramp stamp tattoo on the American zeitgeist.”
So what are you waiting for? Join the fun! Here’s a more specific step-by-step guide to getting a stamp that is inexpensive, sexy, and totally you.
Items required:
– 1 Yu-Gi-Oh card
– 1 or 2 pieces of scotch tape
– 1 lower back (preferably attached to a human body)
Step 1: Remove a piece of tape from the roll and attach it to edge of the Yu-Gi-Oh card.
Step 2: Gently press the tape-card unit onto your lower back.
NOTE: make sure the card is facing outward when you affix it to yourself—put your Blue Eyes White Dragon out there for all the world to see!
… Aaaaand that’s it! You’re done! Congratulations, you now have a Yu-Gi-Oh card taped to your ass.
Of course, like all significant movements in cultural expression, the Yu-Gi-Stamp has not been without its detractors. Some tattoo purists feel it lacks the sophistication of a traditional tattoo; others take issue with the use of a Yu-Gi-Oh card, arguing that better lower-back adornment aesthetics might be found with other common items, such as a crossword puzzle or a tomato. But while there may be some disagreement over the social significance and physical details of this new trend, one thing is not up for debate: the Yu-Gi-Stamp is here to stay.
–MF ’19