Dear Ms. Padecki,
I regret to inform you that I will not be moving forward with your application for the role of “girlfriend”.
While your qualifications were certainly impressive and your experience more than sufficient, your performance on last Thursday’s interview certainly did not meet my standards for the position.
I wanted to share some feedback from your interview. For a start, six inch heels are impractical and utterly inappropriate attire. You should also know that I highly value punctuality and personal responsibility, so showing up twenty minutes late because of “work and stuff” made a very bad impression. Additionally, when the waitress asked for your order, you rudely interrupted her. This demonstrates a clear lack of interpersonal skills as well as human decency. Last, I simply did not find you very attractive, something I thought I was extremely clear about in my online posting.
Normally, I would recommend waiting at least six months before reapplying. In your case, however, I would not suggest applying again. Of course, I encourage you to please ask any attractive friends, roommates and siblings you may have to apply.
Best,
Pierce Madison
Operations Research and Financial Engineering ’18
Dear Pierce,
Are you fucking serious? Please never contact me again.
Sincerely,
Jane Padecki ’19
-GAW ‘16