Dear Mr. Maxwell,
Thank you for reaching out to the Match.com Customer Service Center. We hope this response to your recent complaint clears up all confusion and solves the problems you referenced.
As you know, Match.com prides itself on finding the perfect match for you. Unlike some other sites we could mention, we never settle when trying to find your match, and we’re not afraid to tell you the raw truth once we’ve found it. It was evidently in this spirit that our automated matching system paired you with one of our Customer Care Representatives. One of our Romance Technicians deduced, repeatedly, that the system was correct in identifying me as your perfect match.
So, yeah. I get how this is awkward. Please try to see it from our point of view. We pride ourselves on the precautions we take to prevent employees of Match.com and other interested parties from interfering with our Relationship Germination Process. Your case has been reviewed, as you requested, by Match.com’s Inquisitor of Love, who has confirmed that you and I are perfect for each other. Seriously, I give you my word that I had no hand in this, and my word is backed up by Match.com’s Confidentiality Guarantee.
Please trust the data. Dinner sometime?
Sincerely,
The Match.com Team, specifically Laura Patterson
– SBW ’15. Illustrated by CSO ’15.