How to find your true love
- Find a romantic location, maybe a coffee shop, a bookstore, or a scenic overlook.
- Let other males know you have claimed the romantic location as your territory by croaking loudly.
- Croaking loudly will also send a signal to females that you are ready to mate. Now just sit back and wait.
- Sit back and wait! True love can be yours if you follow these simple steps.
How to impress your date in bed
- Once an interested female has entered your territory, she will deposit up to 20,000 of her eggs at one time, so before having sex, first make sure you can support your future kids, financially and emotionally.
- The female will examine your surroundings for shallow water (only a few inches deep) and squat down on all fours, initiating the mating ritual.
- Then, mount the female by holding onto her torso with your front legs and grip her slimy back firmly.
- The female will excrete thousands of eggs into the shallow water. Watch impassively as this occurs.
- Once the female deposits her egg mass into the water, release your sperm on top of it to fertilize as many as 20,000 kids.
- Dismount from the female’s back and go about your day.
- That’s it! In roughly three to five years you will be the proud father of an expansive family tree! Love truly is beautiful.
– JPS ’17. Illustrated by MGM ’17.