- I Wish You Could Be More Like Your Brother
- It Doesn’t Need Stitches
- Turkmenistan
- You’re Not Responsible Enough for a Dog, Bart
- Bake for 14-16 Minutes or Until Golden Brown
- eisgruber@princeton.edu
- Please Stop, You’re Hurting Me
- Parent-Teacher Conference
- Kale
- You’re Not Applying Yourself to Your Schoolwork
- [instead of a name, a spaghetti sauce stain]
- Beleive
- Are You Writing This Down?
- Best Buy Customer Support Center
- Red Lobster’s Endless Shrimp
- Gwyneth Paltrow’s Upper Lip
- Transformers 4 Was The Best One
- Grade Deflation
- Steven Does Exist, You Guys
- DJ Okla-Ho-Ma
— EM ’17