- Your car keys
- DVD of Ankles of Tehran IV: These IslamaBad Girls Have BaghDaddy Issues
- The last horcrux
- Jimmy Hoffa’s body
- Tupac, who was also shot, but survived
- Seasons 2-5 of prophetic police procedural, “The Funda-mentalist”
- The napkin I wrote my number on that I gave to that super hot girl who I met at the bar who was totally into me, but then she never called
- The missing Watergate tapes
- Carmen San Diego
- Will of the Proletariat
-Staff