CONFIDENTIAL EMAIL EXCHANGE. DO NOT RELEASE.
—————————————————————-
From: Jonathan Ives, Chief Designer <ives@apple.com>
To: Steve Jobs, CEO <jobs@apple.com>
Dear Mr. Jobs,
I need some clarification on your latest tablet computer memo.
I am a little confused by your revisions to the design, especially the part about buttons. I know that your design philosophy hinges on making our hardware simpler, but replacing the single button on the current design with “shit, like negative buttons” seems physically impossible.
I am also a little wary of the proposed name change. I get the ‘iPad’ part, and I know our ‘MacBook’ line is very successful, but I think ‘Macs-iPad’ sounds a little too much like a feminine hygiene product. I know all Mac users are pussies, but I don’t think we need to make the association explicit.
Best,
Jonathan Ives
—————————————————————-
From: Steve Jobs, CEO <jobs@apple.com>
To: Jonathan Ives, Chief Designer <ives@apple.com>
Hey J-Money,
Look, forget about the buttons. I meant it as more of an example about how we need to think outside of the button. Instead of the box. See what I did there? You need to expand your mind, brah.
Let’s talk about touch. Part of what made the iPhone so good was the multi-touch screen — you know, you can like pinch to zoom and swipe your finger to go to the next picture and shit like that. So yeah, we need more touch for this one. So here’s what I’m thinking: you can like, touch the back too. Then it’s double the touch. Or to turn it on, you could like, rub up against it, and you’re all “mew I’m a cat”.
And dude, the name! Good catch, brah. Oh man, I totally missed that. Change it to ‘Tam-Pad’.
Peace and love,
Jobso
—————————————————————-
From: Jonathan Ives, Chief Designer <ives@apple.com>
To: Steve Jobs, CEO <jobs@apple.com>
Dear Mr. Jobs,
I, ah… well… we… really?
And I am just not even going to touch the name.
Please don’t call me J-Money,
Jonathan Ives
—————————————————————-
From: Steve Jobs, CEO <jobs@apple.com>
To: Jonathan Ives, Chief Designer <ives@apple.com>
Ok so J-Money,
I was working on the new ad, and I totally got it. Picture this. There are like a bunch of hipsters in a coffee shop. Then, this dude walks in, he works at the Gap, right? And he’s all oh hey, I’ll have a coffee and he just like chillin’ then all of a sudden he open his man purse and pulls out TURTLENECKS. So he goes all Oprah being like “EVERYBODY GETS A TURTLENECK.” And all of the people are like rockin’ the turtlenecks and they pull out the Macs-iPad — sorry, Tam-Pad — and they all jump up in the air, all high-fiving each other. And hipster music is playing.
Oh, right, they’re all silhouettes. AND THE GUY IS BONO. Shit, that’s orgasmic.
Peace and love,
Jobso
—————————————————————-
From: Jonathan Ives, Chief Designer <ives@apple.com>
To: Steve Jobs, CEO <jobs@apple.com>
Dear Mr. Jobs,
I quit.
Goodbye,
Jonathan Ives
-JRV ’12