1. Is your Avatar depressed?
Yes/No
If yes, skip questions 2- 15
2. Are your Avatar’s dreams pleasant or unpleasant?
a. None of the time
b. Some of the time
c. Most of the time
d. All of the time
3. How many times in the past two weeks has your Avatar thought about teleporting to hell?
Second 3. Can your Avatar fly, but not walk?
Yes No
4. Has your Avatar been hosed from:
a. Second TI
b. Second Law School
c. Second Orchestra
5. During the past two weeks, which of the following have been true?
a. Second Life is loading slower than usual
b. Your Avatar got rejected from Second Princeton
c. Your Avatar is worried about Second global warming
d. Your Avatar did not win the Second Nobel Peace Prize
e. Your Avatar’s friends list is empty
f. Your Avatar defaulted on his Second mortgage
g. Nothing seems clickable anymore
h. You experience Second erectile dysfunction (SED)
i. You have been unable to hook up with a Second Pi Phi (SPP)
j. Your Second Girlfriend has stopped returning your Second drunk meesages
6. Has your Avatar considered making a Third Life?
Yes/No
7. Does your Avatar feel Second-lifeless?
Yes/No
8. Has your Avatar created an Avatar?
Yes/No
9. Has your Avatar reached the Second bottle?
Yes/No
10. Was your Avatar Second molested by his Second Uncle Pete?
Yes/No
11. Have you found Second scars on your Second wrists or Second ankles?
12. Does your Avatar ever think about Ctrl-Alt-Deleting himself?
Yes/No
13. Did your Avatar recently discover he was Second adopted?
Yes/No
14. Does your Avatar waste away his days and nights watching To Catch a Second Predator? Or VH2 music videos?
15. Did your avatar miss the Second million dollar question in Who Wants to be a Second Millionaire?
If you answered yes to 1-5 questions: Give yourself a Second Chance. Things aren’t so bad. Just change your hair color and bone structure and build a new house. Things will look up any Second now.
If you answered yes to 5-10 questions: You should give your Second life a Second thought. Try moving to a Second city to start on a clean slate — put your Second best foot forward! Things may not be so serious; consider getting a Second opinion.
If you answered yes to 10-15 questions, (including the questions that weren’t “yes or no”) find a Second bridge and disable your flying feature.
– RK, AO