Footsy or Entrapment?
PRINCETON, NJ — On Saturday Princeton University student Craig Larry, ’09, was arrested by Public Safety for signaling his desire for sex with the occupant of the adjacent stall. The police report claims that Larry peered into the stall, then nudged the undercover officer’s foot with his, and finally he ‘waved his hand’ under the stall divider.
Larry later pled guilty to the charge, but claims it was done in a moment of panic and that he was entrapped. A new resident of Brown Hall, Larry had this to say. “Yeah, I mean I just moved into Brown. I had no idea how fucking tiny the stalls are above the second floor. It’s like trying to crap in a laundry chute.” Larry continued, “So what? Of course I like to look into a stall to see if there’s anyone next to me, but the fact that my foot hit his? What the fuck? Really, have you ever been in a stall in Brown? I’m lucky I didn’t bust through that damn divider when I took off my jacket.” As for reaching his hand under the divider, Larry says it was accompanied by a request for toilet paper, as Brown stalls are notorious for lacking it because of the jerkoff frat boys who throw it around the halls. “Im using Dod’s bathroom from now on,” claimed Larry.
Public Saftey denies all of these claims, and adds that the officer there was responding to numerous reports of sex in the men’s bathroom. A spokesman admits that this is probably the same jerkoff frat boys, though, who are known for thier homoerotic tendencies. “But hey, if we can get a few more people arrested and pleading guilty, why the hell not?” said the spokesman.
This arrest comes after the recent congressional scandal where Sen. Larry Craig (R-ID) was arrested, charged, and pled guilty to the same crimes. Unlike Larry, ’09, though, everyone is pretty sure Sen. Craig loves the cock.